That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
