tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The uberlube is also flammable
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
