Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
