I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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