as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
