she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
