Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
