Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
