bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
