i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
