Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
