Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
