Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
