he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
