He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
