turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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