So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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