You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
