For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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