i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
