You're so nebulous sometimes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
