Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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