She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can I color on your dick again?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
