she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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