Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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