it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
