I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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