so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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