Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize