we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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