took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
