My liver just broke up with me...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
