you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
