I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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