like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize