I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
