Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
