i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
