You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
