Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
