If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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