Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
