On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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