I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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