he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
