Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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