whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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