6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
