rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You made out with two different species that night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
