your parents love me but you hate me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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