The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
