why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
