She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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