1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
