So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize