Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
