dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
