dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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