The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
