awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
