does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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