What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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