The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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