K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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