I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sober January is a disaster.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
