Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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