But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize