My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
