Pappa wants mamma naked
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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