it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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